Ooh!Ooh!Ooh!
I must go down to the seas again. Oh must you Masefield, you egregious halfwit you? Well bugger off then, but don’t expect me to accompany you, thanks; I’m going to sit here as far inland as I can bloody well get before you start getting closer to the bloody coast on the other side, where things rarely bob up and down faster than arses in a Swedish porno and the only place that stinks of fish is the fish counter in Morrison’s, if you don’t mind.
“Thank you for sailing with us ladies and gentlemen, and apologies for a somewhat turbulent crossing last night” they said when it became clear that we had in fact survived and reached bloody Holland and not, as we’d assumed, the back yard of a whale’s house. Feckers didn’t even have the decency to sound as though they weren’t taking the piss. Turbulent crossing my arse. I think they’d had a dozen men on the deck all night battling a feckin’ Kraken, that’s what.
Hello,hope y'all doin good, i came to Quora to share my strange story , a very weird one , a story when luck smiled at me ,maybe u will enjoy it , let's begin,have fun...
A year ago ,I was a real porn addicted(btw I was 18) ,but never had sex before, I don't have a gf I didn't try to find one even ,always thinking to go to find a sex worker but then I just don't , everyday watching different bodies getting fucked and everyday enjoying.
One day, I was watching porn, a big ass lady with big boobs ,just after seeing her the image of my female cousin poped in my mind, (let's introduce her : she's 35 years old , very big ass , nice boobs ,not very big but nice,always wearing tight clothes , she's divorced ) and I thought of me fucking her ,I never had sexual desires for her but now I do days went by and when I met her I was so horny ,I couldn't stay with the family cz my penis was clearly erected , I realized this is my first time I get horny for one of my family ,it not illegal in my country.well to make a long story short( if u want details just text me I will tell u 😊),I decided to give her signs that I want to fuck her,finally I decided to have sex and with my cousin , I thought it is the best beggining for me, i started touching her when I came across her in a narrow place , make her feel my hard cock when we hug , I thought it will hard and I will be ashamed but no , I felt nothing and she said nothing , probably she thought it was by mistake,anyways, I decided then to talk with her about sex, waited for her to be alone in a room and talk with her, I confessed everything about me watching porn and addicted..etc,she said it's normal and u are growing up and u must have sex,well at that time I was like whaaat????? Well I didn't control myself and asked her for sex ( horny like I Ve never been before) she said that she will think Abt it ,2 weeka went by then she called me ,telling that she reserved a room in a hotel and we meet tonight ,we met,and bruuhh, sex is great , I mean, I had to find a pirstitue ,what I was waiting for to have such a feeling ????, I will never forget that night, I started kissing her she was kissing hard ,she misses sex so bad , she sucked my dick and swallowed my semen ,I felt I'm in a dream , then when fucked ,her ass was very big and the anus was open ,didn't struggle to get my hard cock inside it , she was obviously missing sex , she was shouting ,fuck me yh fuck me , I go fast after every word until I cum , we did that 3 times , then we went to her pussy , using condoms I fucked her so hard the moans were higher , everything was perfect ,in the end I asked her to lick her body , licked pussy ,ass, boobs,then she sucked my cock until we sleeped ,all I know that she was dirty ,well before even having sex with her I knew she is an open minded woman , and a woman that looks that she donesnt know anything , but she knows everything, but never expected having sex with her ,well she was horny and that helped...but no one of us regretted that sex ever..
We still have sex from time to time ,and I started having sex with sex workers , joining threesomes..etc
If u want pics of her text me.
It didn’t stay like that for long. The sun went down, the waves went up. Something else that went up was everything I’d eaten for the previous twenty years by the feel of things. I swear at one point the bastard boat was going along on its side. It might have been port, I dunno, but then if it was port I think it decided it was a bit uncomfortable like that and flipped over on to its starboard or whatever the bloody nautical types call it.
Feckin’ fish-juice. It’s cold, it’s wet, it’s smelly and if you fall in it it tastes horrible and you can’t breathe. Sailors must be all be nuttier than a Holland & Barrett shop. I blame the EU. Ursaqua man der Lifeboats.
Did this years ago.
Do you think some men have sex with prostitutes because they're too afraid to talk to women? Money does the talking for them.
At one point I’m sure it was on the water vertically. At one point I think it wasn’t actually on the water at all. Throughout all this mayhem I was trying to grab forty winks. Fat chance. I’d have been less tossed about, feeling less sicky, and most certainly much warmer, had I tried it in a tumble drier. At one point I believed that we were all going to meet our doom, and welcomed it, because then at least I wouldn’t have had to put up with that feckin’ boat any longer.
It started out well. Nice little float about, chugging along.
